Seldom Is Heard

I am at my limit of things I cannot do at the moment. I need to write this out just to clear my mind.

I feel like all I see anymore is posts online where people encourage other people. It’s a young person thing. That sort of need to be told you’re doing things right is what the young mind needs. Heck, I’ve craved it myself too.

I feel like older people didn’t need that or don’t need it. To them, doing well in life was to be expected. Look at Death of a Salesman. That sort of idea would never go today. The closest thing we have is those stupid internet start ups that everyone was trying to do. Now, I guess, it is crypto money. Whatever. That’s not the point I’m trying to make.

What I’m saying is that all this encouragement is wearing me thin. Why does everyone need to try hard and try to be happy 100% of the time? It isn’t feasible. It isn’t something that should happen. Humans are way more complicated than happy happy joy joy all the time. No.

So when I see these posts like “Oh yeah, jog a mile and then get some tea to feel happy” or “don’t listen to the haters because the cheers for you are louder” I just don’t know what to think. It’s too much. Fine. Maybe I can take a step back from hating myself for a moment, but ignoring that self loathing and understanding that in the grand scheme of things that most people are way further ahead than I will ever be is just not realistic.

I think a lot of these motivational things are just empty. They have no real substance to it. “Drink water. You’ll be happier.” Will I? Will I really? I suppose studies can back that statement up but will my experience be the outlier?

Maybe I just don’t understand all this positive stuff. Maybe this is just a mask because we know how grim things are and we want to hope for the best and pocket the worst. Okay. I can respect that I guess.

I have a thought. I believe there isn’t a solution to everything. I read a few posts tonight on subjects like “I feel inadequate, what should I do?” Responses ranged from “Well, what do you really want to do?”

Does everyone have an answer to that? Are we supposed to have an answer for that? I surely don’t.

I think there are problems that can’t really be fixed and they just need to be. Things like my inferiority complex or sense of uselessness are just who I am. Coping with that is a challenge for my life. Perhaps I will be able to find am advantage for it.

When I make statements like “I am not good enough” or “I am not smart enough,” I truly mean them. I’m not saying it out of desperation. No. I have observed and I sincerely doubt my abilities. Who knows me better than myself?

Anyway, that’s all. I should go to bed.

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