Something that came up in conversation today was about video game rentals. I wrote about this one time I went to a Red Box and rented I guess it was Arkham Asylum. The thing was, the disk in the Red Box was scratched up beyond belief that my Xbox couldn’t read it. I wrote to Red Box and they got back to me sort of quickly. They gave me a free DVD rental as an apology. The thing is, games cost more than DVDs, and I just don’t watch many movies. Really. I’m not into them for the most part.
Anyway, the guy online said I should have demanded a free game rental to which I said “I’ve been know to give up easily.”
That’s what got me thinking right now. Was I just taking a quip at myself as I usually do when people try to give me advice or do I truly give up too easily.
I mean, on one hand, there’s plenty of evidence I don’t give up easily and that I’m annoyingly persistent. I’ve racked up 1000 straight days of doing French on Duolingo. I haven’t given up on that and I don’t really have plans to either. I’ve been in a long term relationship that lasted over long distance. I didn’t give up on that either. I saw myself through college despite wanting to drop out every day of my attendance there. I saw that through, albeit begrudgingly.
I was raised to not leave in the middle of things, but to see them through to the end. After an ending period, I could decide if I wanted to stop or go on to the next period.
I guess it depends on the gravity of what something is to me. Something like a Red Box rental has no effect on my life. I can’t even clearly remember which game I rented or which DVD I got as a replacement. It really doesn’t matter. Writing stories like that whole short story thing I did like a few years ago? I can’t even remember how it went. It doesn’t matter because it was just a passing thing. I put no effort into it so giving up on it wasn’t much of a loss. Would someone have liked the story? Probably, but who cares? Like, really. Who cares about a story I never got around to writing? Not you for sure. You probably don’t even know what I’m talking about too. What I’m trying to say is the things I give up on are things that don’t matter. They don’t define me as a person.
Then again, what happened if they did? What would happen if I did write that story and it captivated a bunch of people who really dug the story and it made me become some sort of story writer? What if I did make Red Box give me another game rental and the game I rented was awesome and made me a fan of the series?
These are just small examples. What if I tried hard in everything I did? Part of me says I’d be really exhausted all the time. Optimists would say I could find something I love or something I’m really good at and become awesome. Which is true? Well, not putting in the effort is a lot easier so I’ll go ahead and say me trying really hard would just exhaust me. Yes. That’s a good assumption.
I’ve been told I’m lazy and I guess there’s some truth in that, but why do I feel so tired all the time? Why do I feel like I am always running no matter what? I feel like I’ve been awake for days even though I get a solid 5 hours of sleep each night and then on Sunday I get maybe 8. Maybe if I went to bed earlier and got up earlier to work out, I’d feel better about myself.
You know what is easier and more enjoyable than that? Playing video games until 1 AM and then drinking coffee with a bagel on the drive to work and then showing up right on time.
Before I get going on a totally different subject, I guess I just want to say I’m feeling myself vanish from this world. I see more and more people want to be some sort of progressive person who doesn’t eat sugar, flour, or milk and drops 10 bucks on some healthy alternative to bacon for breakfast. Some guy said “I cut out soda from my diet and I feel so much better” once at a Taco Bell. While he said that, I filled up my cup with some Baja Blast and drank it right in front of him. Ever since I introduced more soda in my diet, I felt exactly the same, but at least this tastes better.
What does this have to do with effort and giving up on things? I guess I’m looking at the quick and easy ways I’d rather take than the hard “better” ways.
Anyway, before I go off even more, I just want to say that I try the amount I want to try. I don’t want to be pushed into trying more than I feel like because I’m doing fine with how I am. Why is everyone so obsessed with trying to get even better? That’s an endless cycle because there’s always room for improvement. I’m gonna go ahead and say accepting whatever it is I am is an even better feat since that just shows I’m not being influenced by whatever it is these days that influences people.
Sure, I’m not perfect. I could make more money and have a real job. I could lose 50 pounds. I could be friendlier too.
I could also start smoking and parking in the fire lane at the grocery store. I could just stop recycling too. See, there’s improvements, but I’m not that bad.
All right, just to get things off my mind and not right before I go to bed.