The title is a little Payday joke that sorta matches the tone of my feeling.
I’ve been thinking a lot and said to myself “When did I get so boring?”
I’ve been watching vlog videos and they just get a lot out of life. They meet random people and they just do things. I look at my customers at work and besides the boring families that try to entertain their kids for an hour, I get groups of friends that are gonna do fun stuff throughout the whole day.
When did I miss that time? When was I part of that kind of group? When I was younger I had days playing Rockband and baseball, but what about the older days? It seems like even in late 20’s people can make friends and they do the whole drinks at the bar and watch Zoro on Net Flicks.
I look at myself now and say “How come I don’t laugh at Jake or Paul as he tries to backflip over the obstacle course?”
Then I really think about it and that truly isn’t what I want. I don’t want to have an interesting life. I’ve been invited over to watch Zoro but I said “Nah.” I’ve been asked to do stuff but I blow it off to play another 100 hours in Payday.
Maybe I like this boring life I have. It is safe. It is mundane and it is killing me slowly. Maybe that’s what I want. I want to suffer. My friends are all gone not because they moved away, but I abandoned them. I’ve done it once. I’ll do it again. I just hate myself so much that I unconsciously ruin anything fun in my life. Maybe I want to be miserable all the time.
Then when I pull myself up for air and I see how the world has changed, I just know I can’t fit in anymore. I don’t want to watch Net Flicks. I don’t want to learn your stupid comic sans over pictures of giraffes. I don’t want improperly use pronouns or omit linking verbs outright. It isn’t me. I guess I’m done with that stage and I’m just as boring as the guys who talk about how they mowed their lawn last weekend or the women who talk about some reality show or how their kid skinned his knee on the back deck.
Yes, my days move on as predictable as they will ever be from this day forward. I’ve seen them already: the evenings, mornings, and afternoons.