MNA: Ego

I’m gonna be more candid here than I usually am.
I had an ex who once told me I had a big ego. In retrospect, it was probably one of her friends that wrote that but to this day I’ve been weighing that statement.
Yeah, of course I have a big ego. With such an ostentatious name like Chas Rad and calling myself “Captain” of anything where I don’t do anything just shows how much of an ego I have. I’m a slight megalomaniac. It’s true.
What I ask myself tonight is that have I really improved since the day I read “You have a big ego?”
I look at the people that don’t like me and I try to piece together why that is. Athlete guy is too empathetic and my lack of empathy and self-absorption probably annoys him. That Aussie probably feels the same way plus thinks I’m an idiot because I talk so much rot.
Is that their problem or mine? I think I’ve been trying to get everyone to like me when in reality the ones who don’t like me can take a hike to Atlantis and never come back. 
Maybe I still have that ego. Maybe it is what’s keeping me going all those years. It helps balance out my low lows. Is it healthy? No, but thinking this way and being a drunk is even worse.
The ones that so like me get it. They get my insecure bravado. They typically like my outlook and word choice. Then there’s those who don’t and that’s just how it is. Can’t win em all.
Those who do like me? We can go have a Pepsi together while playing Duck Hunt. Just wish I could shoot that snickering dog. 


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