This is a decent word to describe me. I’ve been doing the most minimal job in pretty much everything in my life. Work? Standing still. Rad Blog? I barely post here. Games? Just Payday.
I used to feel a lot more sad than I do now which is why this blog had a ton of these bloggy-type posts. I think that sadness turned into something else. Maybe it turned into something I’m ashamed now that I think about it. I mean, when I was in a bad mood, I’d write here. Now I don’t even wanna write here when I’m in my mean reds because of who might read it these days. I didn’t used to care. I guess I care now. I guess.
I met with a bunch of old faces a little while ago. They were all like” Oh man, it’s so good to see you all. You guys! We had such a good time back then. Man, I’m doing so much better. I got my dream job and I’m loving life! I wish I could tell my younger self that to enjoy life!”
Maybe this person’s intentions weren’t to like you know, make me feel like I’m an absolute failure of a person, but it came off that way. I guess I should be glad for this person. Cool. You got your act together and you’re happy.
The reason why I don’t write about this stuff anymore because I know how to fix it. I know what I need to do. I just haven’t done it.
Another reason I haven’t wrote much about this is because I know people will just tell me what I already know.
I gotta pull myself up and just seize the day or whatever they say. There’s a thousand ways to say what I know, but all of them are as cliche as the next.
Maybe I just wanna be miserable. I think I find a sort of numbness in it; a sort of comfort in the melancholy. It’s like if I beat myself up enough, there’s no way I could be any lower.
Whatever. This is minimal. So I’ve been fixing it by chilling out. I’ve not done a lot because doing things makes me sad. Put in the minimal effort for people and the public and I’m disconnected.
Maybe a simpler life will be better in the long run. Maybe a life without the pressures to write posts or make videos or do anything online will make me feel less unhappy. Maybe it won’t. Maybe I should write more and become a grand writer in all things drink reaction and social blogging. Maybe I should learn how to juggle.
Maybe I shouldn’t do anything at all. Sometimes less is more they say. Some things work out best when you don’t try so hard.