I play a lot of games, right? Right. Sometimes I don’t wanna record things and that’s cool. I’ve come up with an idea to keep you readers in check with my game playing without making a video. This is for all you reading folks that don’t really wanna watch a video.
So, I got Dragon’s Dogma on the PS3. No, not the new one. This is the OG game. I played the demo of it before and made a cool video that got a bunch of views before I got in my low state and deleted it.
Anyway, I’m keeping a log for you on the game. So, here we go!
I’m some sword and shield kind of guy in a dark dungeon. Oh, yeah good thing I have a lamp. I’m following some dude who is barking orders at me, but I’m still trying to figure out where the heck I am and how to turn on the lamp. He’s already taken off so I followed him.
Apparently there were enemies, but he killed them before I could even get to the scene. Talk about good AI…too good.
Eventually, I get to this area with this odd looking stone and it summons some allies for me. That’s pretty cool. We keep moving and finally we find some bad guys. My team destroys them easily. I can’t even bloody do anything because my teammates are just so freakin efficient. I mean, I like good teammates, but there’s no fun in me ALMOST killing a goblin.
Anyway, before we know it we find some knight and his crew. They show us some way to something and a chimera comes and kills the knight. I didn’t like him that much anyway.
We fight this chimera and finally I get to do some damage!
The awesome thing about Dragon’s Dogma is that it gives you the ability to climb up these beasts. I jumped on the chimera’s back and started slicing my sword at the goat’s head, while my allies were insisting that I kill the snake head. Yeah, yeah. Hush up, allies.
That’s the thing about the teammates. They are constantly saying something. They talk more than I do. They talk so much to the point where I’m not even listening to them. The only way they eventually get my attention is when the game does this cut scene to them where they say something like “Here master! Strike now!” while the game still plays. I hate those because sometimes I’m in a dangerous place and when the camera pans over to them I’m still in that place and getting attacked by whatever it is that’s attacking me.
Eventually, I kill the goat head which makes the lion go absolutely mad. He starts ramming into walls and stuff. We kill it and then boom. Cut scene. I didn’t watch it because I walked over somewhere.
I then make my character. Yep. The sword and shield guy was the tutorial dude. At least I don’t have those allies anymore.
I make my dude look like a sorta resemblance of me. He has a mohawk. He also is pretty lean, but not skinny to the point where someone would say he is skinny. I name him Captain and for people online with parental controls, his name is Cap.
Cap is in some small town where he sees some tan girl wave at him. I guess the king has ordered some conscription because a dragon is around, but then tragedy! The dragon is ACTUALLY here. He attacks the small town and breathes fire on some poor sods. It scares the crap out of the conscription knight. It scares him so much that he drops his sword. You, being a much better hero, pick up the sword and charge.
I attacked the giant dragon for a few seconds until the game said ENOUGH! and made the dragon kill me. He says some stuff in dragon language and then impales me. He then puts my heart on his giant fingernail and eats it. My character, somehow still alive, reaches out to say “No! Don’t eat my heart! I still need that thing!” but then he collapses as if to say “oh wait, I’m dead.”
He is alive apparently, but his chest glows.
Now! We are on the quest to win my heart back! I didn’t know dragons were bloody heart thieves.
I get some new gear and then I’m prompted with the choice of being a swordsman, a rogue, or a mage. I pick rogue because it has a bow and arrows. You know me; I love my arrows.
I go out of the little hut and say goodbye to that tan girl. I find some supplies on a boat but I fall in the water and die.
Yep. I died. I can’t swim in the game.
I eventually find out from some knight on the beach that there’s like a brine monster and no one knows how to fight it. I get frustrated and swing my r0gue daggers at him, which actually knock him over. I keep on doing that for a while until I accidentally hit the grab button. I pick him up over my shoulder and walk with him. I end up throwing him into the ocean where the brine monster kills him. Thanks for the warning, bub!
I go through the little town and there’s just a bunch of pathetic people crying over the dragon attack. Some lady asks me to get some sort of flowers. I accept, but I probably won’t.
Eventually, I find the game where I’m met with a cut scene of some crazy dude appearing. He holds up a glowing hand at me. The dude has a crazy, curly, red afro. Apparently his name is Rook. Some old dude says “Ah! You’re the Arisen! You can call these pawn dudes from this stone. They may look like humans, but they are basically the Tranquil from Dragon Age!”
Wait a second. Dragon Age. Dragon’s Dogma. Dragon, Dragon, rock the dragon.
So, Rook immeidalty starts blabbering about something and proceeds to for the rest of eternity. We leave the town and he starts telling me about some fort where the Pawns are chilling. Instead of going to the fort, I end up fighting a bunch of bandits that are actually really freakin strong. Luckily, Rook is a mage and can heal me as well as enchant my weapons to do fire damage. He proves to be pretty useful in buffing me, but he attracts a lot of attention and get’s downed a lot. We eventually kill the bandits until I do something stupid and jump off the cliff to my death.
Where does the game respawn me? Back at the first freakin town where I have to gather the supplies from the boat again, throw the knight into the ocean, and get Rook again. I even have to fight the bandits, but this time some of the king’s knights are there and help. They help A LOT. Then I run into a wolf pack. This isn’t like 2 or 3 wolves, this is a whole pack. There’s gotta be like 20 wolves here. The down Rook a lot, but we eventually beat them. By this point, it is night. I can’t bloody see anything.
I can use my lamp, but I only have like 1 refill of oil so if I get lost, that’s it for me.
Rook is actually a useful AI despite not shutting up for a second. He gathers like berries and loot from dead enemies if I don’t see them. Capcom really made decent allies for this game. Even some of the stuff he says is pretty useful like “oh yeah, there’s usually rock slides here.”
It is so freakin dark at this point that I accidentally get in a fight with a huge band of bandits. I thought it was just one since Rook only said “look out for that bandit mage!” We kill the mage, but he has this angry sentry with him as well as a bunch of other dudes that almost kill us, but I find the fort where all the Pawns are supposed to be and hide there.
Rook says to follow him and I do. He takes me to another odd stone and it says that I have to prove myself as a real Arisen. I say “uh okay” and then these knights start freaking out. Apparently, the stone summoned some cyclops that was tearing down a wall. Rook and I rush in to fight it. The cyclops kills most of the knights, but Rook and I fight bravely. I have a bow and arrows now so I poke the stupid cyclops’ eye out and jump on his back. Rook says I should attack the back of his knees so he falls. I do and then we kill it.
There was only one knight left alive and all he could say was “tough times, these.”
The stone says I did a good job and grants me a Main Pawn. The game lets me create this Pawn! I make him a giant looking Russian guy and I name him Dirge. Dirge is happy to see me, though he probably is at least two times my height. Rook and Dirge stand there and start yapping away about the area when some knight holds me to a halt. He says “you need to train!”
He takes me to this area where he gives me three tasks. The first task is to move cargo that’s all over the place. It is still dark, but I saw where they were. I can’t even get to the cargo before Dirge and Rook move them all. They move fast!
Then we have to kill a bunch of stupid dummies. Dirge and Rook again kill them all before I can even say, “let’s do this!”
Finally, he gives me more dummies where half can only be hurt by magic and half by steel. Again, Dirge and Rook take them out before I can even locate the ones I can stab.
The trainer says we are a super team. Yep. We all contributed equally! Yay team!
We eventually talk to the commander who is some cool looking French sounding woman named Mercedes.
Wait a second. Cool looking French woman? Dragon Age. Dragon’s Dogma.
She says we need to rest.
Our rest is cut short by a hydra destroying the fort wall. Rook, Dirge, and I go in and attack this 7 headed snake. I jump on one of the snake’s heads and start hacking at it. I cut it off and now I’m a hero! Yay!
Mercedes says she will want to show the Duke this head and maybe the Duke will give me a title and a bunch of money! She goes on ahead to this other fort and says to meet her there. Instead of meeting her there, I fumble around in the woods. I buy a bunch of good stuff like a new bow, actual plating for Dirge since he’s a melee fighter, and a nice robe for Rook. I get this Robin Hood hat for me too, but it is tiny and looks really stupid on my mohawk. Oh well.
I die a lot in the woods. We find a bunch of bandits who are way stronger than the ones from before and they kill Dirge easily. Come on, Dirge! You’re like 8 feet tall and your muscles are like boulders!
Every time I die, I gotta re-buy all the crap and re-sell all my crap. It sucks.
Eventually, I decide to give up and go to the second fort.
Our new task is to escort this wagon carrying the hydra head to the castle. We get ambushed by goblins and harpies along the way. The goblins start a rock slide which almost kill the wagon, but thankfully Rook can heal the wagon somehow. I find another odd looking stone and use it to summon one more Pawn for help. Her name is Miina and she is an archer too. She’s pretty efficient in shooting the harpies. Dirge leveled up a lot so he’s actually now sorta BA. He grabs goblins and says “KILL IT!” Like, he holds their arms behind them like you know how in every 80’s movie where the bully’s gang holds the protagonist’s arms while he punches him in the stomach? Like that, except I have daggers and this is a goblin.
Rook is awesome too. Goblins are super weak to fire and their little screams are hilarious when they are bursting into flames.
We eventually make it to the castle where I decide to call it a day. I save Rook to my favourites list so I can call on him again, but unlike Dirge, he doesn’t level up so I will have to abandon him someday.
What did you think? Should I continue this? Tell me in the comments, on Birdman, or whatever your choice method is.