MNA: Perhaps The Last Alone

There’s very little time left.

I’m at this part of life where things change forever. You know David Bowie? He died recently. I can’t say I was a mega follower of him, but I did like one song. “Changes” pretty much describes his musical range. “Changes” has me thinking of me as well. I have to turn and face the strange. New. Everything is new.

It’s also cold. Maybe it’s because it is so uncertain, but then again it isn’t. No it is quite in plain view. What is this?

Have you ever known exactly how something would pan out but when the time comes for it then are super uncertain about it? That’s what I’m in currently. I know I’ll be fine but what is this really?

I think I’ll go with Bugs Bunny logic here. The first step is a doozie.

I’m not afraid. I’m just, what is it? Unprepared? No. I was always prepared.

I’ll use my words. I have a similar feeling to being unprepared but I know I’m ready. Anxious? No that would mean I’m so ready that I’m pushing it sooner.

This is the same feeling I get when I go to the gym and first get on the rowing machine. I knew I was gonna get on to do 30 minuets of rowing that morning but now that I’m on the machine I’m sorta unprepared. This kinda happens with me and amusement park rides. I wait in line for the ball of death and say “well this thing only last for a few seconds” but once I’m there I’m way not ready.

I got it! Physically, I haven’t adjusted to this change while I’m mentally ready. That’s it. Now that the motion is happening, my whole self is unsure because thining and visualising are not and never will be the same as doing.

Whatever it is, writing about it here helped.

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