I’ve done some thinking from now and the last post. Notice the absence of “yo” again as I’m kinda taking a serious tone here. I don’t think it would be fair for someone to just hire me because I’m Chas Rad. What does that even mean anyway? I didn’t really think that through, but I did write a lot of truth in the last post. I forgot to mention something huge in it. What? To whom was the post directed?
I wrote that in hopes someone woulda saw it and said something along the lines of “he’s got a good personality.” That’s all good and everything, but I said nothing of where I wanted to work and what kind of employer I was hoping to see this post. The truth is, I don’t know the answer to that question. I really and honestly do not know. I wanna thank this show I was watching where the teacher was teaching a subject he had no idea how to teach and only took it because he wanted to be a teacher. He liked something else and his teaching showed he was terrible.
People have told me I’d be an iight English teacher or something along those lines of English and writing. I did tutoring. I’ve been through it and I would like to say I was partly decent in what I did. The thing is, I’m only going through the motions. I know a whole lot about writing and how to help you improve and/or get your ideas on the paper, but I don’t actually care if you follow me or not. I mean, I got the job done and that’s all it meant to me. I didn’t take personal interest in these people’s essays. I did what I did because I was good at it and people liked how I worked with them. That idea makes me happy that these people liked how I did and thought I did good work. What I’m trying to say is I didn’t like doing it. I was only good at it. This is why I don’t wanna be a teacher. It would not be fair to these kids if I didn’t care about them improving or getting them ready for the next grade/college. I’ve had those teachers. They want a paycheck. The only reason why they are teachers is they majored in something dumb and what they really wanted to do didn’t turn out well so they became teachers. I refuse to go down that road. I care too much about the students to put them in that kind of situation. Would I make a good teacher? Yes and no. Yes in the sense that I’d have steady course work and it would test the students. No in the sense that I wouldn’t really give a crap if the students got it or not. My “yes” can be put in anything. I like to think of myself as a Chas of all trades. Whatever I’d end up doing, I’d get really really good at it. Would I love it? That’s the problem. I don’t know.
Which brings me to another thing I’m thinking about: what is my passion? I’m really not sure. I looked it up online how to find my passion but all of it is either I’m-that-motivational-coach-bs or God has plans for everyone nonsense. I then decided that no one’s method is gonna help me because as you probably know Chas, he never uses methods everyone else uses. Why? It doesn’t work. Chas has to do things his way for him to understand it fully. I will branch off these stupid help sites, but ultimately I can’t just “do” what they say to do because that’s not how I am. So, the main idea of these articles says to think what I love. That’s really hard considering I don’t know for sure what I love. I’m freakin 22 years old. I’ve been in school for most of that time. For the most part of those years, I was developing. My taste when I was 16 is completely different from now. There are some lingering things that have stayed all those years: video games, music, writing stuff, and being Chas Rad. What can I do with that?
This brings me to the whole passion vs realistic debate. You can look at this mathematically and combine all the things I like. With that, you’d get “Hey Chas! You should totally make your own game and write the story and plot and all that stuff for it. You could totally get some designer to help you with the mechanics and you can get animators and artists for all the other parts you don’t know how to do!” Thanks optimistic person, but the problem is that takes a whole lot of money to do. I need to keep my money for student loans and stuff. I could get a loan, but where am I gonna get a team to help make the game? The hardest part is all the stuff I can’t and don’t know how to do. They’d make the most money and I’d probably barely break even, that is if my game even gets off the ground and people buy it. Even then, my stories suck. My creative writing is mediocre at best and I don’t even like creative writing. I prefer my blog style of writing. I like being candid in my writing instead of interesting. Sure my candid attitude can be interesting, but what I mean is I don’t wanna write to be interesting. When I do it, it feels forced. I’ve tried and tried. You can see my stories on here. They are all attempts to get into it, but I’m not feeling it.
What I just said there is negative. These articles say avoid the why not and just do it. I can’t do it. There isn’t a way I’d be successful in this which is the realistic look.
Then there’s the obvious. Why not monetize the blog. I like doing this and I like this manner I write in and blahblahblah. I think I’ve said 10000 times why I wouldn’t try to make money on this blog because A: it is a hobby and my escape from what I do (or lack of doing these days) and B: Ad-block would kill me instantly. I know I could make this blog successful. I know I could probably get readers and whatnot. I just don’t want to sell out and do it. I don’t wanna put this in social media’s face. I don’t wanna beg people to subscribe. I don’t wanna beg people to share this. I don’t wanna because it isn’t me. This is me. This blog is me. How it is run today is me. It has been me the entire 3 years or so it has been up. This goes for the videos and stuff too. All me. All for fun.
So how do you decided what passion you want to make profit on because that seems to be my issue. I could work my way up to end up writing for something like IGN, but honestly, who am I to day something about a game? My views always differ from the public. Heck, I even hate the one game almost everyone loves.
I’m just at a loss really. I don’t know what to do with myself. I guess I’m in a better place than most people in similar situations. I have a degree. I have some life skills. I know a whole lot of stuff. I’m not afraid to work. The people my age that need to “find themselves” often use it as an excuse not to do anything while I honestly want to know what to do. I’m frustrated as anything with it. I am SICK and tired of not knowing how I’m gonna use this degree and my knowledge to do something. I honestly feel like that’s one reason why I haven’t been hired. These employers see me and say “So, you have all these skills. What do you want to do?” Besides saying “get a job” what else do I say? When I talk to people that ask about me, they always ask “oh what did you go to school for?” and I tell em Litt. The next question: “What do you wanna do with that?” I never know how to answer. I say I don’t know because that’s the truth. I don’t know. It’s awful that things go “oh you majored in literature, well that means you’re going to do _____” because it isn’t true. It bloody isn’t true. I know a guy with a degree in literature and he builds boats because he freaking loves it. Does he make a good living? I don’t know. He’s living isn’t he? The thing is, I don’t wanna be bound by my degree. I need to think outside of this “I only know how to read and write” idea and get with “I can do this and I will freakin like it” idea.
For someone that knows a lot, I know nothing.
I feel a lot better writing this. I feel like I can think clearer getting my troubles on this blog. That’s exactly why I created this Rad Blog. It is for situations like this.
Would you, my friends and readers, call this a motivation problem? What is this? I’m not sure what to call my situation. Maybe I need to go to some career counselor and see what they think. That’s their job. They obviously wanna help people like me.
Anyhow, thanks for spending your time reading Chas’ thoughts. I really mean it. My passion is for my friends. I’m your loyal king and I will listen to my people.
Happy stuff to come! Uh I might not continue with Rad Life. Cowboy Sneep Snip? Maybe. Actually no. I’m not gonna continue with Rad Life. Too much effort honestly. I like playing Sims 3 and I don’t wanna have to stop and wait so I can write about it. Sneep Snip is random and relies on nothing so there’s still hope.
I’m so hungry. Off to dinner!